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Thursday, April 23, 2009

First Mother - Daughter Trip (anything really)

Ellie and I are on our first road trip just use and another mother and daughter. Our first mother-daughter thing's kinda cool.

She was a trooper on the 6.5 hour drive to Vermont. Google said it was only a 3 hour 45 minute drive but then factor in we got lost and had to stop twice - that's a really long trip. And I wasn't sitting next to her like I normally get to. So Ellie played and I got a crook in my neck. But after finally getting into the hotel and giving her dinner and letting her sit on top of me (because I am the human couch) and play with her toys she was much better and slept really, really well. She woke her sunny self.

We are here for a three day cranial sacral intensive workshop. From 9-12:30 and then from 1:30 to 4  a therapist will work on Ellie.  It's a spiritual thing too the way the therapists are approaching it. They used a  circle and talking stick to open and a short meditation and then on with the work. Ellie lit up when she saw her therapist, Amy. She was delighted. And Ellie isn't delighted falsely. She no room for anything but genuine reactions at least at this age. Ellie as been working hard. She kept drawing the therapists hand to where there is a non-working shunt in her head pressing on her occipital lobe. Together she and the therapist gently tried to shift it (fractions of millimeters) to relieve the pressure that causes Ellie to be dizzy and not be  in total control of her eye muscles. I really hope it worked. They also worked to remove the energetic imprint of that botched surgery. I need to let go of my own guilt about that too so that I don't hang on to it.

They were also working on some of Ellie's birth trauma which is not in short supply. And when I say 'they' I mean that is where Ellie decided to go. It sounds weird but it is a collaboration. We have done cranial sacral work with Ellie when she was 2 to age 3 and that got her eating by mouth. We have been doing it once a week for a year to help her again with everything. Growth is hard on her because of her Cerebral Palsy.

The whole experience after the first four hours has shown me just how connected we are to our children. When they were working on Ellie's birth trauma I got a pain where I had my spinal.  When Ellie was struggling with the emotions that came up around the shunt I felt it too.  That's the deal though isn't it if you really love your child? The good with the bad. The pain with the pleasure. You are never really free again and never alone again either. 

It's amazing to see Ellie work so hard and stretch and grow into her full self. She is so relaxed now and sleeping so peacefully.  Pictures to follow.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Get Angry or Get Better?

Sometimes I chose the path of anger. That's right, chose. I don't buy it when people say, I couldn't help myself. You can always help yourself, even if it's just being able to control, monitor, or mitigate your inner state of consciousness. 

But sometimes it's hard. I find it hard at the end of Winter when Spring feels like it will never come and I am sleep deprived and overwhelmed by managing mine and Ellie's life. Three doctor's visits this week and a Baker's Cyst behind me knee are not helping...

I can also chose to learn from my anger and the difficult things that happen in life. I take that path just as much, probably more considering the big picture. Decide for yourself in reading my blog. I have been angry about Ellie's computer teacher making her use a head switch. If Ellie didn't have such great use of her hands I would be all for it. But head switch? On Ellie? Come on!!!  Ellie's head is the most difficult part of her body that she tries to control. When, oh when are you going to see my kid as she is, not as you would like her to be?  

Sigh.  See that? Up there is me giving in to anger.

Ann has reminded me that there are always two sides to every situation. I am not sure how to learn from this situation yet or what the other side is of Ellie's hands being totally written off and her being made to use a head switch. But I am going to start to look for it and try to understand as I have been but without the anger. Any suggestions from any readers will be appreciated. 

It's good to be reminded that everyone makes mistakes, not meaning to, and without malice and that they deserve compassion too. If everyone thought like Ann seems to, the world would be so much a better place. Thanks for setting such a great example of this principle in your post here!