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Sunday, March 15, 2009

Cabin Fever

I have it bad. Ellie slept on me for upwards of 5 hours today. And she is still sleepy. It's the flu. But I secretly wonder if she is just done with Winter and decided to turn into a bear and hibernate? She has been wanting to read "Where oh where is baby bear" again and again. Maybe that was just her way of saying, "See you in June."

Dave is in Ireland getting his first real break in 6 years since Ellie was born.  I'm happy for him, it was my idea. And I am really glad he got out before the plague hit. 

It has been six years too. Six years of interrupted or no sleep, six years of holding our child who is often sick, six years of trying really hard to push a twelve foot bowling ball up Mount Everest. I think we have done pretty well so far and I know we have given it our best and will continue to give it our best and then give the rest that it requires of us. Because I am sure it will take all I have.  But the last two days, with no one to talk to but Ellie, who is only available for consult between the continuous nap have made me see how isolated we are in many ways. 

My family travels right by our exit off to see each other, only cautiously seeing us when their guilt gets the better of them. I see the little girl who lives down the street taking advantage of this warm day to ride her bike. I hear the other kids in the background when Dave calls to check in.  It's all making me a little sad today. Maybe because I am sick too. Not sure. 

I feel really isolated and on days like this it feels like it will always be this way. 


Anonymous said...

I am sorry - flu is misery even under the best of circumstances. You are truly an amazing mother and person and this shines through in your writing.

julie said...

Oh Sweetie, the flu is like that ... when your sick it seems like this is how life will always be. I always get depressed at the end of the flu. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you and sending warm, springtime thoughts your way. Love to you and Ellie.

Anonymous said...

Amen Sister! My boy and I had the flu this winter and it was awful. Day after day of feeling awful and shut in the house. Sending good thoughts your way! Call your mom and ask her to come over if you can.

Kathryn said...

Anon 1 - thanks, I aspire to be the best mama for ellie I can, though it's hard when I am sick too and dada is away!

Julie - wish we lived closer! miss you

Anon 2 - am sorry you went through that and also wish I had that kind of mother. My mother would guaranteed say, as she has many a time before, "Oh, I can't come up because I may get sick myself!" I have the best template for how NOT to be a mother.

Penny L. Richards said...

If you ever want to AIM or skype or any of that, I'm available--you know the time difference. I'm glad to report from your old stomping grounds, and commiserate about the help that's hoped for, and never available.