Livid

Livid = a perfectly round, white, raised area of skin on Ellie's ankle = pressure sore.

Livid = me after hearing that, once again, Dr. Webster did not put enough padding over the bones on Ellie's ankle.

Now, my baby, is the proud owner of a matching set of pressure sores. One for each ankle.

I feel sick as I write this. GRRRRRRRRRR

Lessons, what are the lessons? What can you learn from my lameness? Oh, here's a few that also fall under the welcome to my world category:

#1. NEVER allow one parent to go alone to a casting procedure no matter how many other doctors appointments you are balancing with work. I went alone the first time and Dave took Ellie alone to the second. There is just no way to advocate for your kid when they are freaking out about being casted such that you are entertaining them so they stay still and so that they are less freaked out, while in the meantime the doctors are telling jokes to one another as they forget to pad my daughter's freaking ankle!!

#2. NEVER forget lesson #1.

#3. Just because a doctor is good in the past doesn't mean they will stay that way. I am so dissappointed.

#4. It takes roughly 6 months for a pressure sore to heal - we learned that from the first one - and I think I am being generous there as it is still not totally healed.

#5. Something about never losing one's vigilance and other things I am saying in my head right now as my conscience gives me a substantial beating.

#6. Maybe if a doctor screws up once you should fire them and find someone who knows how to properly pad a cast! Maybe something about forgetting about doctors altogether.... not sure if that is realistic - but I am really mad right now.

After Action Effects:

- Further muscle atrophy - we are 6 months and counting in now - looking at a year total

- Loss of faith in doctor

- Massive mama guilt

- Continued dusting of unused gait trainers

- Ellie losing her excitement over using said gait trainer to make her way around the house on her own speed.

- Potential decrease in bone density for lack of weight baring

Above is a picture of the the pressure sore she got the one time we tried serial casting. It doesn't look much different today.

I am going to take her to as many hyperbaric O2 treatments I can afford (at $200 a pop that means not all that many) to see if that will help. Also posted is a picture of Ellie in her gait trainer, months and months ago. I need everyone to remember that she used to be able to do that. I need to remember that we used help her practice walking in her gait trainer 4-5 times per week. I need to remember we even brought it with us to my mom's one time to show them how well she was doing with her walking. That during that same visit she laughed and walked in her "Pony" for hugs. Just this Sunday Dave, Ellie and I were at the mall early in the morning and Dave and I were commenting on how quiet it was and how smooth the floor is and how we would have to take Ellie there to practice walking as soon as her cast was off. So much for that plan.

Poor Ellie.

I feel like the worst parent in the world.

I am so overwhelmed right now.